A popular saying goes thus “We don’t see things the way they are; we see them the way we are”. I know it might seem somehow for me to keep writing about me, my experiences and things around me, but the basic truth is that I’ll never stop writing until I breathe my last. Outside of what you see and may even believe, this path is not for fame or glory. I have no choice but to write, writing is a gift to me and is another opportunity for me to share, to reach and to care. To sow a seed deep inside of you and for it to blossom and bloom into something positive, a source of strength, a word of encouragement… These are the gifts I give.
When I write, only for a few moments is it for me, but mostly it’s for all of you… to fulfill your need to hear love on another level, learn how to defeat the demons and devils that plague your mind and for me to find that empty space in your heart and place a word or a phrase there, that will let you know that someone else has felt what you are feeling and you are not alone, and some of us are still there.
My gift is not a burden but a swelling in my soul that I have to let go, or else die from all the pressure inside. It’s how I live, it’s why I thrive. This gift is a necessity for the world to see the better me and the worst of me through the grace of the giver of my gift because that is God and never because of me…and it’s because of He that I am even me. Built of the flesh, born and then raised in a mess but now a success because of the gift that I possess….
Writing is a part of me but more than that I am poetry. It flows through my blood stream and it pulses through my veins. To not get this gift out of me will drive me insane. The words keep flowing from my heart and through my head and writing them out only leaves blank spaces for more to come instead of vacancies that go unfilled. It is the adrenaline rush of my day and at night, it’s my thrill, it’s my life force, I breath words, spit lyrical fire, it is my gift and this is why I write, why I perform and why I recite because……… I am poetry and my gift is necessary. I’m doing this so people and everybody around, far and near, could know me for who I am and not just about what they hear from people about whom I was and who I am.
Starting from the name “Ayodeji” given to me by the world’s most precious jewel….Adebola (My Mum) to my other name “Lancaster”…..the truth about this is that I got the name from a friend “Rockefeller” back then in Feb ’02 when I was in LAUTECH. Now the name has stuck to me more than my real name and when I’m meeting someone for the first time, I tell them my name is Lancaster or Lancs for short. This name have been mis-spelt, wrongly pronounced or manipulated by a lot of people. Sometimes I hear people call me names like Langasta, Lacasta, Laketa, Laca, Lanchy and different weird but funny names. There are some people whom I’ve known for donkey years and yet don’t know that Lancaster is not my real name and some who doesn’t even know my real name at all, because they simply refer to me as Lancaster and I always respond accordingly. Enough has been said about my name, but if you wish to now more, just read my writing “25 Things You May Not Know About Me” or simply wait for my yet to be published book “The man Ayodeji Lancaster”
Talking about the ugly side of me; I am, in some way, jealous, very reticent, good-humored and sometimes jokey. I now quite a couple of time when my friends had to complain excessively about me promising to do something and failing to do so. Sometimes, it takes a lot of pressure before I do what I am asked to do because I keep postponing until I eventually get it done, mostly at my own convenient time. Another complaint I receive mostly from friends is about me talking too much or not listening when they are talking to me. This, indeed, is one thing I wish I could change, but doesn’t seem to be and I guess it just have to be a part of the ugly side of me which my friends have to accept. I often eat my fingernails at any opportune time, even though most people around me complain about it all the time, most especially my Mum. I remember garishly when I was still Six year old; she told me a fable of a man who usually eats his fingernail and unconsciously ate his entire fingers. It sounds a little scary then going by my age, but it doesn’t seem to change anything in me because almost twenty years after, I still eat my fingernails.
Some people claimed I’m Triple “C”, (cool, calm and collected) some said I’ve just been there while some believe I’m proud and just acting up like a d**k. Whichever way, I have come to believe that nothing is what it seems because when I go to some places, they worship me as if I were a god and when I’m in some other places, I’m somehow unnoticed and unpopular, meaning I’m no angel. I’m human, just like some of you, but created, modified and re-modified specially by the Special Being. Through it all, I’ve learnt to be myself and to have a great belief in my talents and abilities, because the best person, we all, can be is ourselves….. It doesn’t make any difference whether you love me or love me not because I don’t really seem to care; I always strive to sing like the birds, not giving a sh*t about who listen or whatsoever comments are being made.
Going around Planet Earth, having to meet people from different Tribes, Race and Backgrounds; I always try in my own capabilities to learn from people, stuffs I might not be able to learn researching all on my own. Thanks to that, I have at one time or the other, been through what each individual pass through in their lifetime. I have criticize and have been criticized; I have dissed other and I have been make jest of; I have laughed with happy people and I have cried with the distressed; I have enjoyed affluence (being born with the so-called silver spoon) and I’ve felt poverty and hunger feels like; I have loved and hate and I have been loved and hated by one and sometimes by all. All of these blended me up to be to be the man of my dreams…Me….Ayodeji Lancaster
Excerpt from my unpublished book “The Man Ayodeji Lancaster”
© Adesuyi Lancaster Adesola 2011