Welcome aboard Lancaster Boredom Airline. I am your indefatigable host, Capt. Ayodeji Lancaster. Before I introduce myself…… kindly fasten your seat belt because it’s going to be a turbulent take-off. Like it’s written on your boarding pass “You are all onboard at your own risk”. Thank You.

Here we go;

Real Name → Adesuyi Emmanuel Adesola

Sobriquet → Ayodeji Lancaster (not Lacaster)

Sex → Thrice a year (My birthday, her birthday and any other day)

How old are you? → Quite old. In fifty years time, I’ll be in my Seventies.

Relationship Status → On Facebook: Single; Real-life: Searching.

Complexion → Hmmm…. OK, white teeth, black hair, red blood, Brown skin… is that enough or make I continue?

Description → Which part? Anyway, Head – normal size, Chest – flat, but better than Odiris (LOL), Body – Athletic, Height – a few centimeters shy of 6 feet, Privates – Come see for yourself.

Hobbies → Reading (anything aside porn), dissing ugly girls and Facebooking.

Do you drink? → Of course YES! Who no dey drink? Just so you know I drink only Aqua and extremely soft drinks.

Do you smoke? → If eating smoked fish count as smoking, then Yes, I am an ardent smoker.

Club / Position → Chelsea fan, YBC Member, NOJ (Madt) Honorable.

Bad habit observed → I’m addicted to eating my finger nails.

Dream(s) → I don’t want to talk about the recent ones, they are too scary.

Ambition(s) → To become world’s best Dad, your best friend and my haters’ role model’s role model.

Most Influential personality → Madam Adebola (My Mum)

Turn on → (Ladies) C-Cup, Sexy eyes and being YOU (Guys): Being real, honesty and loyalty.

Turn off → (Ladies) Tribal mark(s), Excess back and/or front, fake voice & pretence (Guys) Tribal mark(s), pretending to be someone else & gold-digging.

Ugly secret(s) → I’ve got many. Check my diary.

Pick a number → “5”

Why ‘5’ → It signifies the number of girls I have dated.

Ladies Man? – IDK, but surely a woman’s son.

Project → Never been on Project Fame, but I’m working on a book “The Man, Ayodeji Lancaster”.

Greeting style → To guys “How far” in my baritone voice, To Ladies “Hi” or ‘How are you doing” in an American accent.

Are you crazy? → What sort of question is that? You are reading this and you are still asking. Anyway, be the judge.

Have you ever be in love? → Not really, but I have seen the preview of Nollywood’s movie “Could this be love” starring Rita Dominic and Segun Arinze.

Any regret in the last five years? → Yeah, I wished I never met some people and I wish I had met some people earlier.

Who make you laugh the loudest? → My friend, Erusiafe “Weezy” Odiri, my peeps on NOJ and my first ever girlfriend “Tee”.

What do you miss most about undergraduate days? → Waking up in the morning, thinking of what to eat only, only to see some f**kers throwing food in the trash can… GOSH

Have you ever been shot at? → Yeah, a lot of time by photographers, but I always escape unscathed.

Wanted → A Val, interested applicant should forward hand-written letter to my Inbox on or before 23:59, 13th February 2011.

Any potential Val? → Kind of, my friend’s ex – girlfriend’s brother’s ex – girlfriend.

Your Ideal girl, Blonde, Brunette or Redhead? → NO!!!… An African woman, Beautiful, Well-behaved and Brilliant…. (What else?)

Where do you see yourself in five years time? → If the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ tarry, On Planet Earth, admiring the man in the mirror and being celebrated by all celebrities.

What are you doing right now? → Having more than a warm romance with my pen.

What do you do for a living? → Breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide.

Are you perfect? → No, I am flawed, just like every other human, but I always strive to be better and know at least something of everything since I can’t know everything about something.

Are you friendly? → It’s up to my friends and people who have met me before to decide. Most times though, I put up walls around me, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down just to reach me.

Shy? → Yes, to a fault. I hardly use my new stuffs so that people won’t notice me.

Nice & Caring? → Towards the less privilege… Yes! To my friends… Ask them.

One thing you can’t do without? – Being myself.

Where will you like to be now? → Indianapolis, with my brothers.

FAVOURITE
Colour → Blue (Abeg, No string attached ooo)

Book → Draft of “The Man, Ayodeji Lancaster”. I read it everyday.

Song → Share my blessings → Naeto C. Ft. Asa

Artist → 2 Face & R. Kelly, because of their controversial character and personality.

Movie → Merlin (Wish I could have half of Merlin’s Magic or be able to kick the dumb Prince Arthur’s ass)

Sport man → Ricardo Kaka

Game → Football Manager (Addictedness Rating: I’m now a
Football Manger Expert) – You have to play the game to understand that.

Funniest Oxymoron → Happily married for 30 years

Top Three Things I DON’T Do
I don’t hit women except in Mortar Kombat.

I don’t drink, don’t smoke and no extra feelings for more than one woman at a time.

I don’t pay evil with evil, I forgive easily, but I don’t forget.

My Basic Philosophy & Beliefs
The room of life is not always cross ventilated, but once a window closes, a door is always wide open.

If you can’t let my past pass, appreciate my presence more than my presents, you can’t feature in my future…..Simple.

I’m not concerned about fame or fortune, I just work pretty hard to be happy and to be able to make a whole lot of other people happy.

Relationship or friendship is not an avenue to gain, but to share both the gain and the pain.

I’m not afraid to die, in fact I’m eager to see the after-life, but I want to die empty and fulfilled.

Greatest fear → Losing my Mum, I can never get out of the shock, even if she leave at age 160.

You & Bill Gates, who is richer? → Me of course, though he has more money, I have the best of friends.

What make you laugh in the Papers? → Anything about Atiku and articles on Politics

What are you tired of hearing? → Politician’s Manifestos

What makes you sad about Nigeria? → Seeing the high rate at which human resources keep depleting. It’s pathetic.

If you have one wish, what will it be? → Wish I could have Merlin’s power to appear inside a top US bank’s vault, carry as much money and precious stones and disappear…LOL

Have any of your friends dated any of your Ex? → Yes.

How did you feel? → I felt nothing, because giving out my used materials is my own philanthropic way of helping the less privileged (You know yourself)

Rumour has it that you swing both ways? → No comment. Invite their girlfriends to my room for proper verification. Action speaker louder than words.

Two words you mistake for the other → Excuse me and squeeze me.

Why are you writing this? → Because I’m suffering from boredom, loneliness and insomnia.

Are you rich? → Not really, but my other name is Rich(ard)

How much do you have in your account? → My account balance is so low that my call could not be completed.

When last did you watch any Nollywood Movie? → More than 10 years ago. They SUCK.

I’m sorry to announce that we have to make an Emergency stop-over at the nearest airport because the grinding machine of my perpendicular organism is inevitably perpetuating me. Please remain calm and fasten your seat belt as we approach the tarmac. Thanks for your cooperation so far. Your host, Capt. Ayodeji Lancaster

Adesuyi Lancaster Adesola ©2011

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