Last night, a fierce-looking army of insomnia through a bloodless coup d’état overthrew the tranquility of my brain and took affairs of my already frail mind in a way researchers and intellects alike could not explicate. I resolved to swallow an entire drugstore of sleeping-pills but to no avail as nature rebuffed its usual contractual obligation. During the seemingly futile effort to compel my brain into comatose, I unconsciously took Scopolamine, a truth serum and a psychoactive medication. I time traveled to over 3,000 years ago to the time Phoenicians invented the alphabet and the resulting narcosynthesis experienced from the unprofessional administration of the intravenous hypnotic medication influenced my subtle mind to re-define their invention, the alphabet, not as a smart kid in kindergarten will recite as A for Apple, B for Ball C for Cat… or a dull kid in the same class reciting as A for Apu, B for Bapu, C for Capu… but to symbolize people around me and let them know what and how I feel about them since the serum will force nothing but the truth out of me. I call it Alphabets, My Own Way.

A – Facebook brought us together through NOJ, but unfortunately couldn’t meet you until your sudden demise. You were one of my closest comrades, a great friend and a reliable brother. You read all my writings on Facebook and had the honor to read my diary on my blog. Your constructive criticisms, eulogies and counsels will always be in my heart. It hurts to know you won’t get to proofread my first book like we planned. I took solace in knowing you’re in a better place now. My heart is still bleeding… Sleep on Brother O’Gee.

B – You guys are much more like brothers to me; you are the elder brothers I never had. The four years we spent together was one of the best four years of my life because you made me have a great memory of every second of the minutes spent each day with you. I’ve learnt a whole lot from you ranging from social stratagems to ladies gimmicks. I’m so glad to have come across you guys somewhere along my journey in life, I’m sure I am one of the lucky few.

C – The legacy you lived and still living are what I upheld and still upholding. You invested more than expected trust and belief in my abilities and that have helped me become the man I’ve always dreamt to be. Though distance and my “non-calling” attitude threatened to break the bond, we remained stronger than ever.

D – You are one of my oldest pals. Your unique personality though sometimes controversial almost made it quite hard for me to read your mind or understand most of your actions. You are a good friend and brother. I appreciate meeting and becoming friends with you. I pray we get united than this, sharing our experiences and helping out with advice and constructive criticism(s) when necessary so we could end up being BFF.

E – Taking the risk of believing any word that comes out of your mouth without proper verification is dicey. You always make Mount Everest out of a Mickey mouse’s abode. You are a good friend and I respect and admire you, but why not lay low each time you have nothing to say instead of starting an argument you’re sure not to win?

F – You always make me happy; you always leave tears of joy on my face each time you are approaching. You have been with me through all the good and hard times and it makes all the difference in my life. You have, in all ways, been my pillar of support and a true source of comfort and happiness. I love you so much though it took me a long time to decipher the feelings, yet, I find it hard to express the injury Cupid’s arrow has inflicted on my feeble heart for fear you might feel indifferent. Forgive me.

G – You will surely make a good wife someday; I hope your man gives you all the love, care and affection you truly deserve. You have the same heart as my Mum and I hope you end up being as happy as she is and even more.

H – You never worked nor strived to be who you are supposed to be, you kept following the crowd. You’ve never for once, since I’ve known you, decided on one thing that personally affect you. You kept following other people’s opinion and dreams which has in no little magnitude affected the course of your life. An honest advice: Check yourself; no hard feelings.

I – It took over 5 years to finally get to know you. You are the simplest and the extremely modest person I’ve seen or known in over a decade now. Your simple approach to life is worth emulating. I’ve not seen or met much people of your character. You’re unique and different and that make you special. But ehm, it will be good if you can, sometimes, open up on some details so I won’t have to use the weather and unpredictable simile…

J – I always have the conjecture if all your generosity and kindness are mirror images of your heart. You are so kind, so sweet, so beautiful and yet so humble… a rare combination in this present age. It took a lot of therapy for me to finally get over the crush I had on you. I’ve always wished you could be my “love” but you are already taken. I wish you luck and I hope he loves you much more than I do.

K – You mirrored the illuminative reflection of the elder brother I wish I had. Albeit I was, at first, a little cautious of getting really close to you. A decision I now regret because I wish we’ve been close friends since we first met 5 years ago. You almost influenced me to start drinking though…LOL (Lots of Love). Enough respekt

L – Any man who eventually marry you will be one of the luckiest men that have ever treaded this planet. You are too good to be real. Seriously, I would have love to date you, but you are just too special to be my next ex-girlfriend. Physically, spiritually, and a bit academically. You are specially made… (Pardon the little flattery)

M – You are one of the best people I’ve met all my life; humble and modest to a fault, extremely hardworking, friendly even though shy enough not to have a “real” girlfriend. I’m no clairvoyant, but believe me, with your attitude and approach to life, you are going to be world renowned, because you are so unique, different but in a positive way. Me like you plenty BFF.

N – You are friendly, nice and cool… really cool and fun to be with. You are just one person I’ve never frowned at, because you are too funny and “sweet” to attract my annoyance. I’ve learned a whole lot from you and you’ve really inspired me to write a whole lot of stuffs. Each time I read your crazy notes on FB; it inspires and triggers the “I can do it” and sometimes the “I can do it better” part of me to act. You’re my BFF.

O – It was almost late before I got to know you well enough. You have a very good heart. I wish you really were my brother, not because of your affluence or possible influence, but because you are real.

P – I got to know you on this network, but it seems like I’ve known you like forever. I’ve never had people, aside few real friends and family, show me love like you’ve shown me. I wish we become good friends in the real world, neglecting the wide age difference. You are one of my role models and with your exemplary influence have surely found your way into my yet-to-be written autobiography.

Q – I admire you so much in the real world, but never had the opportunity to relate well with you. The story changed almost immediately we became friends on this network. Your words always sink down into my subtle mind and like the “I wish” part, it pierced through my heart like a two edged excalibur. You are someone I will love to emulate and surely will include in my autobiography as one of my most influential personalities.

R – You are extra-ordinarily brilliant, quite smart and the brightest I’ve known all my life. Your fight for survival and the struggle to be better always thrill me. I’m so proud to be part of your life and highly honoured to have you in mine.

S – I became friends with you on this site but since then my life has never been the same. I’ve been able to learn quite a lot within the short period I’ve known you. You made me believe so much in myself and my yet-to-be refined writing ability. Telling you how honoured I am to have you onboard will be nothing but an understatement. Thank you

T – You are somebody I used to respect and think of as a friend, a good friend, judging from the outside and screening from the surface, until I got to know the real you; self centered, hostile, extremely disobliging and ungrateful. I’ve always heard about your shady characters yet I gave you the benefit of the doubt but recently you have successfully removed the doubt. I wish I had known the real “you” prior to this time. Then I wished I met you earlier, but now I wish I never met you. Let the bitter truth be told.

U – I’ve known you for close to 8 years, I watched you grow and I gave you the necessary tutelage necessary but you threw away all moral values, discipline and ethical integrity. You got yourself involved in advance fee fraud, which you nicknamed “Internet marketing” all because you want to “feel among”, you want to acquire BlackBerry(s) and be the untimely proud owner of all glittering mundane extravagances. Now the negative influence, like flu, is fast spreading to your younger ones; who out of sheer ignorance are looking up to you as a role model. You failed to realize that when you chase excellence and etch your name on the sand of time, fame, riches/wealth will run after you pants down. It’s never too late to right all wrongs.

V – It took years, latest techonolgy and social communities for me to realize how sweet, undiluted friendship with you would be and now I wish we remain as friends till the day after forever. I love you, and even though you’re taken, you will always be on mind till the end of time. PS: You still owe me that kiss

W – You were the closest person to me in this world until the long distance separated us. You are the only person I can, with no coy or demure, stand naked in front of. I remember all the things we did and went through together and it makes me wanna go insane for being away for so long. I wish you could make Mama prouder than she would have expected and make her as happy as we would have made her if I were to be there.

X – You are one of the reasons I got achingly obsessed with my Blackberry. Watching movies, playing games or even eating feel so pale in comparison with the fun I catch chatting with you. It feels like we are family or something. I’m sure one of the best things I’ve done with my social life was becoming friends with you.

Y – We spent close to a year together in the same environment but never really got close because of the deterrent around; like my girlfriend on my path and your friends on your part. I liked you then, I really do, not like I am a Casanova or something. Your smiles always melt the stony part of my heart. You say I am your friend and I will tell you I am your secret admirer.

Z – Apologies, accepted or unaccepted, you are the dumbest fool I have ever heard of or ever came across. It’s an axiom I’ve always known and with all I’m seeing now, I think you will forever be one, because rating foolishness you, with all your actions and attitude towards situations and circumstances, took top position in all categories.

Now take a dose of the serum and let me feel the after-effect. Tell me what you think about me…